she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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