I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
