I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
