I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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