He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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