I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
