'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
