so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
