Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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