yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
