Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
