spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
