Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
