yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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