when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
