I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
