Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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