I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I look better un-naked...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
