This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
