I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
