I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
