Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
