I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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