what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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