Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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