I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
