I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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