Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
