HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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