OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
