And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
