oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
