I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
