maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
