I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
