Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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