if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
