Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
