So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he thought i was a dude.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
