It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
