I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
