At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
