My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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