She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Randomize
