That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
