This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
