Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
