Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
