I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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