this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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