I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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