it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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