to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I enjoy the company of your penis
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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